Monday, January 21, 2013

Some Parents Need To Grow Up!

I was out for my Sunday Shopping after a long long time. The Toddler and me settled ourselves down in CCD (Shopper's Stop) and were enjoying our drinks. The Toddler starting interacting with another girl her age who was sitting with her family next to our table. These two started playing quietly. Not so quietly, you could hear them chat and giggle, but they were behaving very well. All of a sudden our heads turned in one direction when we heard a kid shout 'Nahinnnnn' on top of his voice.

This was the scene minus the folded hands.
Its then we realized there was a couple with their 4 year old kid sitting on a table opposite to ours. The mom was trying to convince the kid that he should finish his food.

Mom: "Isse khel dekh doggie, yeh car dekh, tujhe kuch aur chahiye?" (Son, play with the dog, look at the car, you need something else?)

Son: Haan, Dog House... (Why will a 4+ year old play with a dog house deserves another post :-P)

Mom gets up and brings the dog house, but sonny boy didn't budge. All I could hear was 'Nahin, Nahin, Nahin'.

What I saw next made me furious. The mother tried to feed her son and the boy snatched the spoon along with the food and threw it on the floor. All the mommy said was "Nahin beta, aisa karne se bhagwan ji naraaz ho jayegen." (No son, God will get angry if you behave like this)... WHAT???

I know a 4 year old very closely (my nephew and his friends). They're mischievous but no misbehaved. So please do not tell me all 4 year olds behave like this.

I looked at the 2 girls playing and chatting without much chaos... And I thanked my stars and smiled at the mom of the other 2 year old who had the same expressions as me when the entire episode was going on.

Some take-aways from the day:

  • I'm not a perfect parent by I know one thing for sure - Parenting is about maintaining the the perfect balance. If you are over strict and do not give in to any demand of the child it’s not going to benefit the child… if you are raising them as ‘precious’ gems, like  seen in the post above, you won’t be fair to your children either. Read a similar post of Parentous Parenting Case Study 
  • Parents/guardians are to be blamed to a large extent in most of the cases. These kids become manner-less, stubborn, rude and bossy.
  • CCD attracts a lot of parents and children... So its not just the college going crowd which is a regular at CCD :-P

17 comments:

  1. Can't agree more. I know I am not a strict mom and not lenient either. But getting that perfect balance is the way to go and I am still striving. Someones when I see Shreya throwing all those tantrums, the first thought that comes to my mind 'Am I too lenient?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tantrums are ok for a 2 year old, but a 4 year old should understand when s/he will get punished. This kid here was making his parents dance on his finger tips

      Delete
  2. This post gave me a total deja vu moment of when we were on a holiday at one of the Club Mahindra resorts - and a young child pushed over her glass of water that shattered on the floor. There was absolutely no retribution from the parent, only a vague encouragement of "Koi nahi beta, voh uncles clean kar denge!" - this was without even a direct request to the staff to actually come and clean it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I swear Aparna, deja vu is obvious coz we have so many kids behave like this and parents do not care. The worst part is teaching them there are people who will clean their mess.

      Delete
  3. My take is this. What the boy did was certainly not a 4 year old's maturity. But the mom? I'd still give her benefit of doubt. If she was feeling embarrassed, she may have not found the courage to reprimand him publicly. Several people do not believe in publicly even mildly ticking off their wards (and my take on public punishments is different too. i do not hesitate to remind my son of his good manners. the people around are strangers, but my son SHOULD know that bad manners will not be put up with).

    I'd've liked it if the mom had asked the boy to comment on what he was doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even I believe in pulling Zoe up if she misbehaves... but she is too young to understand, hence I or Fizz move out with her. We don't let her have it her way when she crosses the line. If the mom was embarrassed it would have been obvious from her behavior, her attitude was more like "Son please have food, you will get anything you want."

      Delete
  4. children know how to bully parents, 2yrs old or 4yrs old, they should be taught from the very age who is the boss :))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Aboard Pushpa... I totally agree, some people are of the opinion that I'm extremely strict... but I try to create a balance :-)

      Delete
  5. Being a tod's mom, I somehow feel jinxed to comment what I want to say on this post. But certainly that lady could have handled things more appropriately rather than submitting to the whims of the child. And no not all the 4 year old behave like this. I know a 4 yr old who make sure to ask for permission to touch anything at someone else's place while his cousin who is almost 10 yrs age pulls out whatever she likes at people's place ( she took out dry-fruits from my kitchen, without asking, ate few and stuffed rest inside the folds beneath sofa!!)....so the difference lies in parenting.
    Also, I am not in favour of publicly punishing kids but moving out could have been an option.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally you cannot give them time out when you are in front of everyone, but you can say a stern 'no' a kid of 2.5-3 also understands a stern 'No', I have seen them politely asking for permission. He was big enough... After a certain age misbehaving cannot be taken for granted, whether they are 4 or 10.

      Moving out of that place is the best you can do if they are younger :-)

      Delete
  6. Kids are born psychologists and know exactly how their parents react in different situations and even places to the way they behave. It takes a while for most of us parents to strike a balance. But yes, drawing strict lines is necessary. What irks me most in this is the "Bhagwan naaraz ho jayenge" part. It is something that many kids in my daughter's van seem to parrot "god will punish you". Why is God being used as threat in disciplining? I thought we were supposed to inculcate a sense of friendship with him and not depict him as wielding the whip. As far as I see it "Bhagwan naaraz ho jayenge" if we handle the situation the way this mother did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree kids become experts at handling situation, if they know their parents do not approve of certain behavior they avoid doing that. Like my 2 yr old knows if she spills something she gets the duster and tries to clean the mess, she cannot clean the mean but at least attempts (I'm constantly talking about my daughter because she is someone I closely observe on a daily basis :)).

      And even I do not agree with instilling fear of God in kids from a young age.

      Delete
  7. I second every opinion stated here. I have infact seen parents say sorry to a 5 year old at the mall for not buying him the car of his choice. It is really sad to see how some parents will "nyochawar" all their pyaar for the child and spoil him/her in the bargain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ouch!!! I do not mind apologizing if I'm genuinely at fault, I cannot understand why parents over pamper kids, everyone knows it spoils them.

      Delete
  8. Bhagwanji naraz ho jayenge...Gosh that's pathetic. Completely in agreement here. And kids are smart.. they really know how far they can push you.. how far at home and how far in public. That mom's sure going to have a hard life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Totally, and come to think of it parents are to be blamed here (and in many such cases).

      Delete
  9. I guess there is no rule book. And kids are so different. I've got 2. And waht works with 1 doesn't work with the other. So am wary of making any flat rules, you know?

    ReplyDelete

I would love to hear from you. Please understand this is a kid-friendly blog and your comments would be deleted if they are found offensive in any manner. Hope you understand