Sunday, November 26, 2017

To 7 beautiful years!

Dearest Darling Z, 

How does it feel to be with your monster mom for 7 long years? I know exactly what I feel about you my rockstar... You are absolutely amazing, and you don't cease to surprise me every single day. 

This year, has been a milestone of sorts, you have all of a sudden become this new person. You're no longer my little chubby cheeked, curly haired daughter... today you are leaner, taller, smarter, yet no less adorable. Your infectious smile with so many missing teeth, your scraped knees, your tangled hair and your loud voice... I love all this and more. Your smiles makes my day, your hugs complete me and your tears... they just tear me apart. Well, it does sound melodramatic, but it's the truth. I never thought, I was capable of feeling this way before you were born... what can we say, but motherhood does make you emotional. 

In my pre-Z days, I was a very practical woman. I wasn't really compassionate, I was extremely indifferent to a lot of things (and people) who should have meant more. Then, I had you, and you showed me the true meaning of love, care and compassion. I'm a completely different person now. I see you care about people around you, think about them and feel for them. I remember, I was narrating a story about a child who doesn't has parents and then someone adopts the little boy. That day, I saw your expressions change from fear, to sadness to happiness and relief. You had tears in your eyes. That's what I mean, you could actually feel for others. That's an amazing quality, stay blessed, sweetheart. Talking about being emotional, you my darling, can cry when you read books, hear about someone's pain or even while watching a movie.... You laugh your heart out the very next second. This just goes to show how sensitive you are.

Your independent streak drives me nuts, but there are these situations where you become unsure of yourself. Yes, you are apprehensive when you're put in an unusual situation, but that's just you. All I will say is have a little more faith in yourself. I used to worry about whether you're ready to handle different situations or you'll just get bullied and stay under pressure... You have now shown me how strong you are. You took your school change so beautifully, sorry I doubted you. You love your new school, and I can see that in the way you look forward to go to school every single day.

Your curiosity, what can I say, you have a question ready, before we can give you an answer. You don't ask questions, for the heck of asking... you genuinely want to know. And believe me, Fizz and I will try to do our best to answer all your questions. 

You can go on talking non-stop, like a volcano has just erupted, you have always been extremely good when it comes to talking.  I also see you always ensure you listen to us, I don't know how you do it. You speak so much, but then you listen to others when they speak as well. That is a new quality which you have developed, I'm am really impressed, that finally, you are listening as well. 
You're absolutely headstrong, like Mumsy. People might take that as a negative trait, I think it's amazing. Stay like this, though people might suggest you otherwise. You might be what people call 'bossy' but I don't see it that way. I know you do come across as someone who is not ready to listen or budge; but I've seen you accept your mistakes when and if you are wrong; you apologise before you're told to... That's not bad, is it? Always be like this...

I have always mentioned about this quality of yours in my previous series of letters on the blog, but I can say it again. I see so many seven year olds around and then I see you. You know how proud I'm of the fact that you don't necessarily have to follow or do things everyone else thinks might be correct for you. If you think something isn't right for you, you always question why... Even if it's your parents you doubt. You are a super cool 7 year old. So many kids your age get into girl and boy stuff, but not you. I was hearing a conversation the other day when you were arguing with a friend who was being 'kind' enough to make you understand "girls don't play football." You made him quiet by saying just two words, "says who?" and this is is just one incident. 

Till you were 6, reading was all you wanted to do. Now you have varied interest, but reading tops the list. You favourite book now a days, which you've read again and again is "Good Night Stories For Rebel Girls".

You might not know this, but I just am amazed at is your perseverance... Be it learning to ride a bike without stabilizers, going for your first sleepover and now learning to skate... You don't give up. You're teaching yourself how to play a keyboard, just because you hate going for keyboard lessons. You also started the Quran this year, I hope you just don't read but understand the words and the meaning. 

You know your friends are very important for you and you care about them....but then you know what, your guide in the PTM told me? She said "Z is a very flexible girl, you make her a part of any group and she doesn't has a problem. She will put in her best. That's a big thing for a child this age, generally, they love being with the same set of people." You might not realise that Z, but it's huge, I'm super proud of you! I used to be super scared of my PTMs, but in your case, I've never heard a teacher complain about you... All we've heard is "she's flying and how..."

Have you seen how your eyes light-up when you witness something amazing... You have magic in your eyes Z. A new book, discussing a play date with N, watching a new movie, listening to a nice song.... You should see how you just enjoy yourself. Keep that alive always, that is a special trait and everyone doesn't has it. As I type this, I can hear you humming 'Ghalti se mistake' in the other room. I always smile when I see you singing and just being yourself. 

You do have your mood swings, terrible ones, but then you zap out of a bad mood in no time. I'm glad we've told you how important it is to speak to either of us whenever you want. I'm happy you're following that, please stay the same, and I promise, we will help you in whichever way possible. 

I just wish you had more confidence in yourself, and I know I can blame myself for that. I believe in you so much that you at times start questioning your strengths and abilities. Try and believe in what you are.  

Since Mumsy and Fizz, both are working, I worry a lot at times. Worry that I don't spend enough time with you, or don't talk to you enough... but one conversation with you, and you ensure I know that I don't have any reason to do so.
Your relationship with your Mumsy has taken a new turn now... We argue, we read together, watch Full House, discuss things I can't imagine I would anyone else... You're equally close to Fizz as well, how do you do that? 
Here's what I want to tell you:
- Always believe in yourself and love yourself. 
- Crying doesn't make you weak. It's what comes after the weak moment that's important. Once you're done crying, get up and come out as a winner. 
- Always speak when you have to and don't worry about what others might think. 
- We all make mistakes, those mistakes make us the best version of ourselves. 
- You're too smart to be a part of a rat race. 

Remember our little #ConversationwithZ #ThatswhatZsaid

Z: "I love being myself, I can like others, but I can't be like them. I don't like to follow the crowd... "
After a few seconds: "You know what follow the crowd means... right?" 
Me: "What does it mean?"
Z: "why should I do what others do? I might like my friend's shoes, but if I buy the exact same shoes, how will I know what's mine?" 

I've said enough, yet there is so much more I want to... we'll keep that for another time...for now...
Happy Birthday sweetheart! Wishing you everything and more. May Allah Ta'ala bless you abundantly. Keep dreaming, keep questioning, keep challenging yourself, keep reading, keep smiling and keep rocking. 

Lots of love

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