Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Are you a 'Sacrificing' Mom?

I've been wanting to express my views, take a stand on something I truly believe in. For the first time in my life I was scared to take a stand. I mean, I've always said what I wanted to... but here I was confused and more confused as to whether I should say what I wanted to. Finally today on Facebook I did it. A Facebook status actually is a mini-blog post, which I use to gather reactions at times... When I'm unsure of writing a complete post on something. And I wrote "Many women forget that having a family/baby isn't synonymous to losing your identity. In fact you need to be a happier/stronger and confident 'individual' to have a happy Family/Baby." I knew I wasn't saying something new and this was something mothers want to say but most of the times don't.

I for one don't believe in 'Mothers sacrificing for their family/children' bit. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and if you think "what the hell is she saying?" I'd suggest please don't read this post any further.

I have never thought I'm sacrificing when I do something for Z. I left a full-time corporate job (which I any ways wanted to), I took up a Work From Home option, I'm planning to start something which would keep me happy/engaged and help me earn some money (big yeah for that). I took these and many such decisions because I wanted to do this and not because I'm doing a sacrifice (read 'favor') on Z. I'm not someone who will be happy living for someone else, and I know if I'm not happy then Z would definitely not be happy.

I look at my mum, she did a lot for us (and I love her for that) but she didn't lose herself in this. She wasn't there with us 24*7, she was the one who decided on what's going on in our house and life till we were mature enough to do it... no one dare argue with her. She had a life of her own, still does. She never told us I've done so much for you, or I've sacrificed my life for you... Forget saying, she never made us feel like that. She is an individual who made her own decisions. And that's how I think it should be. I know my priorities; I will never neglect Z for something just I want to do and I would never neglect 'my self'...

Before you assume lemme add, what I've said is not about whether you're working/SAHM/WFHM. The decision you take should be yours than anyone else's. I salute housewives who handle the kids and house perfectly and if that's what they want to do then it will make you happy and keep you satisfied. I admire the way some women go out work and handle kids (leaving a baby with a nanny/daycare isn't an easy decision and its to each their own). Then there are people like me... I don't know if I will leave Z and go to office, but I work equally hard at home, and trust me its not easy. You have to draw a line. There are situations when I'm on a call with a client and Z wants me exactly at that point in time.

When Z grows up, I want her to know... I'm there for her but I do have a life/identity of my own. So the bottom line is  I know Z would be real proud of me and really happy  if she knows I'm happy. That's what I want. What about you?

8 comments:

  1. i agree with u. also why do we always think of moms working or not working after having children, chilcare is and should be equally the job of a father. with joint parenting women will not have to either feel guilty when they go out to work or 'sacrifice' their careers for their babies. as u knw i have been thinking of joining work myself. I went for a meeting today for some research work. the person who was taking my interview was a woman and was positive abt my choice of working and respected that i opted to work part time. later she introduced me to one of her subordinates, a woman too, and she mentioned that i have a 8 m old baby. the new woman looked at me in disbelief and didnt think twice before exclaiming..."then u must stay at home!" "i have been staying at home" i said, "now i am tired of it and since my baby is older i want to get engaged with something other than childcare." her jaw dropped and she kept of staring at me in disbelief for a while! for the rest of the meeting i ignored her and she wholeheartedly gave me judgmental stares!! as i drove back home i cldnt stop laughing! she represented such a conservative and nauseating school of tght i wondered wat she was doing in a Women's studies centre!

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    1. Totally agree with what you say. And I at times feel women need to stop thinking that we need to be home when we have babies. Men don't have such a big issue with this. And if they do, can't blame them, coz many of us think we have to become a 'Housewife' when we have babies. We've spent as much on our education as men have, we have put in equal amount of hardwork (if not more) then why us? Aren't we capable enough to decide?

      And why do women who choose to become housewives say they have sacrificed. I mean get a life. take a decision and stick to it

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  2. More or less on the similar line: http://sumitadutta.blogspot.in/2012/01/just-thought.html

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    1. I was thinking of this post when I wrote it... :)

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  3. Agree agree...your post provoked me to express my thought on this http://nibedita-bose.blogspot.in/2012/07/choices-of-life.html

    Kudos to your mom :-)

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    1. Lovely... More the merrier.. Sumita -> Falak -> Nibedita ;-)

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  4. Hi Falak! I completely agree that sacrificing just leads to undue expectations and which surely leads to frustration. I wholeheartedly believe that a happy mom is key to a happy baby. :)

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    1. Hey thanks Swapna for dropping in. You have said exactly what I wanted to... Thanks... :) Keep visiting.

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