One Is Good… Thank You!

This post 1st appeared in Parentous

Now that Zoe is 2.5 years old, people have started hinting that it’s time to have another baby. I just ignore or  just tell them ‘thanks for the suggestion’, but no thanks.

This post is not exactly about that… it’s about this discussion we had on a social networking site where a fellow mom asked “Just a general poll… single child vs. two children…” Ohh a topic where everyone had a say and everyone had to voice an opinion. :)

Most of the moms were ready for 2 kids… reason being – your present kid needs a companion. And siblings are a blessing from above. A mom also shared a link of an article in NY Times on the ‘The Gift of Siblings’. The article quotes a line, “Your parents leave you too soon and your kids and spouse come along late, but your siblings know you when you are in your most inchoate form.” I’d like to add to that, when you get married and have children, it’s your spouse and children who live with you and stay with you for a long time. Siblings then just become a part of holidays and occasions.

Now getting back to the topic, majority believed that having another kid is a blessing, for the parents and more so, for the child you already have. Some also said, that it is alright if people decide not to have a baby. Why have one child and feel it a burden to take care of him/her and then drop the idea of having a second child.

I would beg to differ… though I would love to have another baby (if my health permits) or I would love to take care of a child who needs parents and their love. There are so many kids who do not have mum or dad. That is right now a distant dream, and I hope it comes true one day.

There were some of us who said (and I truly believe in it) – It’s to each his own; having one child doesn’t mean being selfish. The couples who take the decision of having a baby after giving much thought are more prepared. In today’s expensive and busy times it is more important to think seriously before you commit to have a second baby.

Besides, we live in nuclear families, not joint, like our parents did. Help is difficult to find and most couples sometimes work in cities away from their home towns. One should plan for a second child only when they yearn for him/her just like the way they did for the first child. And not because the second one is needed to give company to the first.

Personally, now when we realise how much effort we need to put in our career and how much time we like to spend with Zoe,  we decided that we need just one biological child. I love being a Mom and I love Being Zoe’s Mom, but for me I think that is good enough as of now. At times, I feel so overwhelmed and hardly get time for myself.

Then there are financial matters too that we need to manage, keeping in mind the growing cost of kid’s education. Also, physically I’m not in a position to go through another pregnancy – though I’d love to. As parents, before deciding to give our older child a companion, we should ponder on the following questions:

• Are we, physically and emotionally, ready to have another little one in our lives?
• How are we going to cope with our career and the babies? Do we need an extra help… if yes, start searching for one right away.
• Why are we going for a second baby? Is it just to give our first one a company?
• Will our marriage be affected with a second baby?
• Can we wait any longer? If we want to have another baby … when?

So having one baby, two or multiple, should be your decision… not anyone else’s. Just because your friend’s having another doesn’t mean you should also take a plunge.

I’m A Work From Home Mom

This was 1st Published on Parentous

Work from home or flexi-work is comparatively new in India. Thank God it’s picking up, but unfortunately not everyone understands what working from home really means.

When I was pregnant, I knew I don’t want to quit working. Working is something that gives me satisfaction and makes me feel… well…’me’. I don’t know how many mums out there would agree… but I know I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and lots of other things… I’m myself as well… which as per me, is no less than any of the other roles I play.

When I started working from home last year, after a break of almost a year, I was asked “So… what are you doing?” When I told them I work as a parenting blogger and also am soon launching my story telling venture… I was told “that is ok, but you don’t have a job, right?” How I wish I could explain to them what working at home really meant.

When I had Zoe (my daughter), I didn’t want to restrict myself to just being at home doing chores. No offense, but that is just not me… my priorities were different. I could not leave Zoe because we didn’t have anyone to take care of her. That’s when I developed two of my hobbies blogging and storytelling into a career.

Now, I’m very happy with my decision… but it wasn’t always like this. These days, it’s become a fashion to get into your own gig after you become a mom. Home bakers, bloggers, freelancers, et al. Before you take a dip in the work from home mommy pool, one needs to do a reality check.

Is work from home really worth it?

It definitely is, if you are able to strike out the right balance. If you are able to do something you like to do from home, not missing out on the growing up years of your child and you end up making money as well… it’s a great option. We can choose our working hours, take offs, and if you run your own business… you become your own boss.

Having said that, I would like to add, there are hard times as well. You can develop your own schedule, but deadlines are something you can never miss. Once you miss a deadline and there can be a huge loss. Maintaining the correct work-life balance is tough to say the least, especially when you own a business.

Lines between personal & professional life become quite blur… which is not a good thing. Your social life (play dates, parties, dates, family dinners) go for a toss. To top it all… people around you don’t understand that you actually have deadlines and targets. Your smart phone and laptop become your best friends and they don’t leave you even when you are on a holiday.

There are many things I have given up as a work from home mom:

• My social life is zero
• I don’t have free time to pursue things I want to
• Most of my social media connect is work related. I do not interact with family/friends on social media if I have work.
• Blogging for me began when I started to keep a track of Zoe’s growing up years. Now I do not update that blog as often as I used to
• I don’t spend as much quality time with the husband as I’d want to.
• I don’t pray as I used to. Prayers brought peace of mind which I lack now-a-days. Guess I need to start praying to God above.
• I missed working out, thankfully now I’m on track
• I’m constantly sleep deprived.

Leading the life of a WFH mom for more than a year now… here are some rules I live with. I do not bend them, until and unless there isn’t any other way out:

• I make a schedule and stick to it.
• I keep a few hours of the day flexible, because you never know what might come up.
• I ensure the place where I work is as clutter free as possible.
• I try to restrict the number of laptop hours on weekends
• When I take call, I always cut myself out and lock myself in a room till the call lasts.
• I always ensure I keep Zoe involved and entertained. I can’t afford a meltdown in the midst of my work hours. I try to keep her happy, though I don’t give in to all her demands.
• I do not leave Zoe in front of the TV for hours… or do anything I don’t approve of with regards to Zoe, because the last thing I don’t want lingering on my mind is mommy guilt.
• My planner is my best friend personally and professionally.

I feel blessed as I can always count upon the husband (yes, I say this again and again).

Some people don’t understand what a WFH mom does. Some people think we are the luckiest as we get the best of both the worlds. I don’t know how lucky we are, but if you handle the situation well… the world a WFH Mom lives in is not such a bad place to be in.

Happy Birthday Best Dad!

This post first appeared on Parentous

Happy Birthday Best Dad!

Today is the husband’s birthday. He hates being reminded that it is his big day, because he hates getting old. I, on the other hand, leave no stone un-turned to make sure I make a big deal about it (as you can see). Today, I want to wish a very Happy Birthday to one of the best dad I’ve known.

He’s that kind of dad, with whom you can leave the child alone and you can be confident that everything would be just fine. Not just that, Zoe is happier when she’s left with her daddy dearest. Zoe loves spending time with her dad and she loves doing all sorts of fun things with him. Just seeing both of them together makes me feel so happy and blessed. So, here is something I want to say to the husband on his special day.

Dear Husband,

You’ve been a great dad and continue to do so… and the best part is you know you’re good. I thought my dad was the coolest in the world. That was till the time you became one and now you’re a close second.

I love seeing the both of you together… and here are just a couple of things which you and Zoe do together, and I just love seeing you bond:

• Usually I’m the one who reads to her, and considering the fact that I’m a story-teller I do my best job when Zoe’s around. Still I think when it comes to Zoe you’re the best storyteller. You make it a point to read to her at least once a day, and I love the way Zoe gets totally engrossed in your tales. I love the way you make up tales, like you tell her your version of The Frog Prince – where our daughter is the princess and in the end she refuses to leave her dad and go with her Prince.·         
• The way you never miss giving her morning Splash-Splash bath. You might be getting really late for work but till you take Zoe for a bath you don’t get ready. That brings me to point the next point…
• You’ve completely messed up your office hours. You leave late in the morning, as you get a few hours with Zoe before heading for work. And you reach home late at night. You literally make sure you spend quality time with your daughter. And when you’re around I can blindly ignore both of you and do my work.
• Weekends are meant for Her Z-ness, and I love the way you take her to the park and play with her. You encourage her to do all sort of acrobats and she loves when you clap after she’s through
• Though you don’t know how to sing at all… You don’t shy away from singing Barney Songs and Nursery Rhymes with her. She ends up correcting you ALWAYS. Actually right now as I type, you’re saying ‘Humpty Dumpty’(No I can’t call it singing :P )
• Whenever we’re out shopping you tell me “No more clothes for Zoe today”… Still you’re the first one to go and buy something new for her. 
• You have all the time to make Zoe a special treat. Though she’s a picky eater, she never says no to something you’ve made
• I hate it when two of you go out to a cafe to grab a bite, leaving me at home ALONE.
• Your shoulders are always there to give Zoe a ride, no matter how tiring the day at work was.
• The moment you ring the bell in the evening, Zoe runs to the door calling your name. As soon as you enter, it’s just the both of you… I don’t exist.

I can go on and on… but these are just a few moments that make me feel blessed every single day of my life.

Happy Birthday Hon! You’re the best dad and the best husband. :)

Mommy-ing a Daddy's Girl

This post was written for Parentous you can read it here Mommy-ing a Daddy's Girl

I was always close to my dad and now that he's not there with us I feel the void. When I was pregnant I always wanted a baby girl... And I always knew that she would turn out to be closer to the husband. Then my wish was granted, I was blessed with Zoe. Now that she 2 years + I don't have to think twice when I say, she has turned out to be a COMPLETE DADDY's GIRL.

When the husband is home, she doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Feeding, bathing, changing clothes, story time everything has to have one common ingredient Daddy.

I will have to give credit to the husband; he's a complete hands-on dad. He knows more about Zoe's medicines, vaccination, diet, shopping, playdates than I do. (That doesn't mean I'm clueless about them... Huhh). Seeing the both of them together having such a blast, I get all moist eyed and emotional. I also feel a tad bit jealous... Why does Zoe become such a Dad's Darling when he's around. When its just me and Zoe things are pretty nice, but we unfortunately do not share the same connect as the husband and Zoe does.

Zoe is always happy when she's around us (touch-wood) but if you compare her reaction when she sees daddy after a long to when mommy gets back home... The later is nothing in comparison, stands nowhere. When I come into a room, I get a smile and Zoe's eyes start twinkling. When the husband does, she starts jumping and shrieking with joy, insists on him picking her up right away and blows loads of kisses on daddy dearest's face followed by 'I Love You Fizzy'. Now you know what I was talking about.
So how does a mom of a daddy's girl feel? I feel happy to see the both of them together. I feel nervous that this mutual love for each other will grow further and Zoe will eventually treat mom as a babysitter while daddy is away. I feel jealous at times, seeing them connect so well, they at times end up completely ignoring my presence. More than anything else I feel blessed when I see them together, I see myself and my dad in Zoe and the husband.

Whenever I feel a little insecure I think about the positive aspect of this relationship. The husband has turned out to be a great dad, and he helps me a lot as far as taking care of Zoe is concerned. When the husband is with Zoe, I get my much needed me-time. I can do anything attend to chores, read, exercise, work, or listen to some music... Whatever I want.

 
There are times (though they are very few moments) when she prefers mommy over daddy. When she gets hurt, when she wants someone to make a fool out of them self and read a story, when she is very sleepy at night... So I love these moments and when they do come, I feel she also needs her Ammi as much. So with Zoe and with most children it’s about moments/phases, some belong to dads and some to moms. So what if my moments are few and far between.