To Be a Girl's Mum

** This post was written for MyCity4Kids

When I was pregnant, I so wanted to have a baby girl, but something inside me told me I'll have a baby boy. I did try to prepare myself.

On the 26th of November, 2010, I was pleasantly surprised when I held my precious little baby in my arms. I confirmed and re-confirmed it with Faizan, and then I just couldn't hold back my tears. My parents brought 3 daughters in this world, 3 head strong, independent, very opinionated daughters. And I was blessed with one on that day.

In these 5 blessed years, I have experienced a lot of moments, moments which were extraordinary, moments where I wanted to tear my hair, moments where I consoled her and moments where she gave me a shoulder to cry on.

I can talk to her and I know she's listening, she'll not zone out. I might not be the 'only girl' in the family, but I truly have a BFF in my family. Someone I can completely rely on, and I can talk to whenever and wherever I want. I know I'll never be 'judged'. I'll always be the best for my Z.

When I hear some people go...

'Oh My God! Girls are so cute, pretty dresses, clips, dolls..."
"Do you play dress up everyday???"
"Awwwww! Do you have to hide your make up already?"

Let me tell girls might be all this (might), but they are much much more.

Well, Z gets lots of cute dresses (as well as jeans, shorts, shirts) and clips, not because we play dress up... but because, I have good taste ;-). Her hair is long and nice, but she prefers tying it in a bun or high pony when she goes out cycling or playing. She doesn't like dolls (yes you heard that). No, she doesn't like makeup maybe because she rarely sees her mum use it.

Being a mum of a girl is way way way beyond all these Ahhhhh, Oooohhhh, Awwwwws.

Unlike the popular belief, Z shares a beautiful relationship with not just her Fizz, but with her mum as well. She gets pampered rotten by her dad and looks up to her mum... Everyday when I get up, I have to make sure I set the right examples for my 5 year old, because she looks up to me. I'm her favorite and so is her dad (girls know how to balance relationships, and so do boys. In fact, any child raised in a sensible manner will love her/his parent, I'd like to believe this).

She is emotional, strong, dramatic (very), funny, all this and much more... She's my little bundle of joy. I can hug her, kiss her, cuddle her and I will not get those 'what are you doing mom' looks.

Beside books, she loves her Lego set, her kitchen, her crayons, her racing cars and her bike. Whatever she does, she completely gets engrossed into it. You should see how creative she can get with her colors as well as her legos.

I have always maintained how blessed I feel when I think of Z and how she has made our life beautiful. I don't know how it is to have a son, but I, as a mum feel, I'm lucky to be a girl's mom... I'm lucky to have a daughter like Z. Alhamdulillah

The Real Mom!

We celebrated Mothers Day in May, we do that every May. For me, the best and the worst thing about Mothers Day are to 'Mother Day videos' which go viral on the internet.

I saw so many videos (I've lost the count) around mother's day, all of them were beautiful; but most of them had a little problem... Most of them showed me a mom I wish I was... How close I was to her, I'm afraid not much. 

I wish motherhood was simpler. I wish mothers weren't shown as these perfect beings who transformed into a goddesses when they gave birth to a child. I wish we didn't have access to such videos... I wish I didn't dream of becoming such a mom one day... Ahhhh! One day. And whenever I see a link to a mothers day video I just have to play it and watch it over and over again.

Frankly speaking, now that I retrospect... I don't want to be that mom... A mom whose touch is magical, a mom who looks picture perfect, a mom who always has a smile on her face. I don't want to be that, because I'm not that, and I will never be that mom. I don't know if mothers like those exist, if they do... they must be leading a pretty stressful life.

I'm an extremely simple mom. I didn't fall in love with Z overnight, I did eventually but definitely not the moment I saw her. I don't have a problem in saying sorry to her (if I'm wrong) and she knows I have my weak moments (everyone does). I don't mind shedding a tear in front of her, or correcting her if need be. I do fight with Z to have that last bit of Nutties or that last bite of a Cornetto. When I'm busy and she wants to talk to me, I ask her to go away, I make sure I check on her once I'm done... but those 'video moms' don't shoo their kids away... Do they?

Being perfect scares me, being perfect means there's no scope of improvement, being perfect means I will stop growing as a person (a mom in this case). And I want to become a better mom with each passing day, so thank God, I'm not that 'Video Mom' already, I don't intend on being one either.

I'm a slightly crazy, slightly cool, a little strict, a little child out and a very normal mom. I may not be the perfect mom, but I know one thing for sure, I'm perfectly imperfect, and I'm perfectly perfect for my little Ms. Z... That's what really matters. Isn't it?

And she made me go Teary Eyed ...

21st December 2013 was Z's 1st Parent's Day and we were all very excited about her big day. Z and her friends had been preparing for their big day for more than a month now. Whenever we asked to tell us what she was doing, she just changed the topic. She didn't even tell us which song was she dancing on... leave aside showing us her steps.

Faizan and me were sure Z wouldn't go on stage... and even if she did, she wouldn't dance. I was hoping against hope she does though. We stopped asking her about the dance. On the D-Day we reached the auditorium, 1st thing that shocked us was that she saw two of her friends and she went straight to them. She didn't want to come to us when we called her, when it was time to go on stage...Z did get a little apprehensive but didn't resist going on stage. The kids were kept backstage throughout the program and Z was happy to be there. When the 'Santa Dance Troupe' reached the stage, Fizz and me were ready that Z might not dance... like many small kids did when they reached on stage before Z's performance.

We were in for a surprise, Z completed the entire dance, enjoyed herself and my baby looked totally ADORABLE. Fizz and me were cheering up like we have never done ever before... I was all smiles and tears started rolling down my eyes. It was a moment I will never ever forget.  Thanks Z for giving me another #ProudMommyMoment

Z's on the extreme right in front.

And here is the Santa Claus song Z danced on.

Moments that Help this Mom Remain Sane!!!

I keep on saying, keep on mentioning how Fizz and Z bond. There bond remind me of my relationship with my A.J. Its only now I realize she loves me as much as she does her Fizz... Yes, I had my doubts and I always felt am I doing something wrong. Then I realized it was just one of those mommy guilt trips I had been on. Z obviously needs me as much, and she loves me a lot. I just had to say it out LOUD to myself and I'm doing it right here... right now. This post is more for myself than for anyone else.

There are times when Z just has to be with her mommy and she needs no one else. And frankly speaking, I need these moments to keep me sane, and these moments happen magically at times when I feel unsure about myself as a mum.

Whenever Z gets hurt she needs me and just me. Fizz, even if he is there right in front of her does not matter... she just wants to rush to mommy and hug me. The moment I hug her, she stops crying in seconds... like magic.

When she goes to school, she wants me to accompany her to school. The school is a 5 minutes drive from our house and she wants both me and Fizz there, when we drop and pick her up. The other day, I wasn't feeling to good and while we picked her up. I was sitting in the car and Fizz went to pick her up... the moment she saw Fizz, she said "Momma, where is momma Fizzy?" and she kept looking for me till the time she saw me sitting in the car right in front of her, her face said it all. 

Saturdays are days when I go out to work, I reach home around 5.30 in the evening. Today I asked my maid to help me take my stuff up from the auto as I reached home. I went to the nearby shop to pick something up. She saw my maid enter the house and she was expecting me. She kept on crying and looking for me till the time I entered the house.

Obviously she needs me most when she wants to listen to her stories or do her artwork.

These moments are moments I live for as a mum... rest of the time its just Fizz-Z bond.

The Toddler turns into a 'Preschooler'

Yes, the day came and she did it. Zoe started school on the 10th of June 2013. She is going to Siksha Montessori, which is very close to our place. I went with her and sat there in her class for 2 days and then the teacher told me she can come alone tomorrow, let's try. I was not prepared for this, I was told it takes a week or so and here I see my little Z exploring the place from the word go.

I had already told her last night, that tomorrow Zoe will go alone to school... Mommy will say Bye-Bye and we will come to pick you up. When we dropped her this morning, she was crying but the moment she entered she became quiet in some time. When I dropped her at the gate I immediately sat in the car, but Fizz kept standing at the gate for sometime. When she was out of site, Fizz and me waited outside the school premises. There was a girl who was constantly crying, Fizz kept on saying its Zoe, and I kept saying she doesn't sound like her. After sometime the teacher came out with a kid who was hauling (who Fizz was mistakenly calling Zoe). The teacher told us, she stopped crying when she entered and now is fine. Once the 30 minutes got over, I heard Zoe's teacher calling her to come to the gate so that we can take her home. It took her 2-3 minutes to come as Miss Z was busy playing and we could see that from the gate.

I'm so proud of my Baby that I promised her an ice-cream treat tonight when Fizz comes from office. Another milestone accomplished successfully.

P.S one of the main reason she loves the school is the star and smiley face she gets every day at school :-)

I’m A Work From Home Mom

This was 1st Published on Parentous

Work from home or flexi-work is comparatively new in India. Thank God it’s picking up, but unfortunately not everyone understands what working from home really means.

When I was pregnant, I knew I don’t want to quit working. Working is something that gives me satisfaction and makes me feel… well…’me’. I don’t know how many mums out there would agree… but I know I’m a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and lots of other things… I’m myself as well… which as per me, is no less than any of the other roles I play.

When I started working from home last year, after a break of almost a year, I was asked “So… what are you doing?” When I told them I work as a parenting blogger and also am soon launching my story telling venture… I was told “that is ok, but you don’t have a job, right?” How I wish I could explain to them what working at home really meant.

When I had Zoe (my daughter), I didn’t want to restrict myself to just being at home doing chores. No offense, but that is just not me… my priorities were different. I could not leave Zoe because we didn’t have anyone to take care of her. That’s when I developed two of my hobbies blogging and storytelling into a career.

Now, I’m very happy with my decision… but it wasn’t always like this. These days, it’s become a fashion to get into your own gig after you become a mom. Home bakers, bloggers, freelancers, et al. Before you take a dip in the work from home mommy pool, one needs to do a reality check.

Is work from home really worth it?

It definitely is, if you are able to strike out the right balance. If you are able to do something you like to do from home, not missing out on the growing up years of your child and you end up making money as well… it’s a great option. We can choose our working hours, take offs, and if you run your own business… you become your own boss.

Having said that, I would like to add, there are hard times as well. You can develop your own schedule, but deadlines are something you can never miss. Once you miss a deadline and there can be a huge loss. Maintaining the correct work-life balance is tough to say the least, especially when you own a business.

Lines between personal & professional life become quite blur… which is not a good thing. Your social life (play dates, parties, dates, family dinners) go for a toss. To top it all… people around you don’t understand that you actually have deadlines and targets. Your smart phone and laptop become your best friends and they don’t leave you even when you are on a holiday.

There are many things I have given up as a work from home mom:

• My social life is zero
• I don’t have free time to pursue things I want to
• Most of my social media connect is work related. I do not interact with family/friends on social media if I have work.
• Blogging for me began when I started to keep a track of Zoe’s growing up years. Now I do not update that blog as often as I used to
• I don’t spend as much quality time with the husband as I’d want to.
• I don’t pray as I used to. Prayers brought peace of mind which I lack now-a-days. Guess I need to start praying to God above.
• I missed working out, thankfully now I’m on track
• I’m constantly sleep deprived.

Leading the life of a WFH mom for more than a year now… here are some rules I live with. I do not bend them, until and unless there isn’t any other way out:

• I make a schedule and stick to it.
• I keep a few hours of the day flexible, because you never know what might come up.
• I ensure the place where I work is as clutter free as possible.
• I try to restrict the number of laptop hours on weekends
• When I take call, I always cut myself out and lock myself in a room till the call lasts.
• I always ensure I keep Zoe involved and entertained. I can’t afford a meltdown in the midst of my work hours. I try to keep her happy, though I don’t give in to all her demands.
• I do not leave Zoe in front of the TV for hours… or do anything I don’t approve of with regards to Zoe, because the last thing I don’t want lingering on my mind is mommy guilt.
• My planner is my best friend personally and professionally.

I feel blessed as I can always count upon the husband (yes, I say this again and again).

Some people don’t understand what a WFH mom does. Some people think we are the luckiest as we get the best of both the worlds. I don’t know how lucky we are, but if you handle the situation well… the world a WFH Mom lives in is not such a bad place to be in.

Happy Mother's Day Momma...

Mothers Day is always special, not because I'm content with just 1 day kept for mommas... I feel a day cannot be enough for moms, dads, or anyone for that matter. It's just the little things these kids do, and when they are younger...the things which they are forced to do :-P

Check this Video which Fizz made... this was made en-route to the florist when they went to pick up flowers for me. That is the reason why she is so distracted.

Mommy-ing a Daddy's Girl

This post was written for Parentous you can read it here Mommy-ing a Daddy's Girl

I was always close to my dad and now that he's not there with us I feel the void. When I was pregnant I always wanted a baby girl... And I always knew that she would turn out to be closer to the husband. Then my wish was granted, I was blessed with Zoe. Now that she 2 years + I don't have to think twice when I say, she has turned out to be a COMPLETE DADDY's GIRL.

When the husband is home, she doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Feeding, bathing, changing clothes, story time everything has to have one common ingredient Daddy.

I will have to give credit to the husband; he's a complete hands-on dad. He knows more about Zoe's medicines, vaccination, diet, shopping, playdates than I do. (That doesn't mean I'm clueless about them... Huhh). Seeing the both of them together having such a blast, I get all moist eyed and emotional. I also feel a tad bit jealous... Why does Zoe become such a Dad's Darling when he's around. When its just me and Zoe things are pretty nice, but we unfortunately do not share the same connect as the husband and Zoe does.

Zoe is always happy when she's around us (touch-wood) but if you compare her reaction when she sees daddy after a long to when mommy gets back home... The later is nothing in comparison, stands nowhere. When I come into a room, I get a smile and Zoe's eyes start twinkling. When the husband does, she starts jumping and shrieking with joy, insists on him picking her up right away and blows loads of kisses on daddy dearest's face followed by 'I Love You Fizzy'. Now you know what I was talking about.
So how does a mom of a daddy's girl feel? I feel happy to see the both of them together. I feel nervous that this mutual love for each other will grow further and Zoe will eventually treat mom as a babysitter while daddy is away. I feel jealous at times, seeing them connect so well, they at times end up completely ignoring my presence. More than anything else I feel blessed when I see them together, I see myself and my dad in Zoe and the husband.

Whenever I feel a little insecure I think about the positive aspect of this relationship. The husband has turned out to be a great dad, and he helps me a lot as far as taking care of Zoe is concerned. When the husband is with Zoe, I get my much needed me-time. I can do anything attend to chores, read, exercise, work, or listen to some music... Whatever I want.

 
There are times (though they are very few moments) when she prefers mommy over daddy. When she gets hurt, when she wants someone to make a fool out of them self and read a story, when she is very sleepy at night... So I love these moments and when they do come, I feel she also needs her Ammi as much. So with Zoe and with most children it’s about moments/phases, some belong to dads and some to moms. So what if my moments are few and far between.

A Letter to the Little Lady in my Life!

Dear Zoe,

I'm writing this letter to you on International Women's Day, I know you would not be able to remember much of this day, but I will make sure to make women's day special for you every single year. 

Sweetheart you are so amazing (Mash'Allah), you are silly, funny, loud, smart and everything I wanted you to be and a lot more. I want you to be this amazing ALWAYS. Just a few things I would like to tell you:

• You should listen to what others are saying ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. Never blindly follow what someone says or does or thinks. Make your own decisions. 
• You are Strong and always remember that.
• Being a girl doesn't mean anyone and everyone has the right to tell you how to dress 'appropriately'. 
• If people tell you to be silent and stop you from voicing your opinion, that gives you all the more reason speak up. 
• Do not show you are foolish, emotional, weak to everyone around you to gain sympathy. You do NOT need sympathy, be strong
• You might love Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or playing dress up, I used to love them too. Explore The Dragon Prince, racing cars, fire engines and dump trucks.
• Many tales end with Happily Ever After. Do not let your Happily Every After be based on one moment, do not wait for some Prince Charming to come and sweep you off your feet. Your Happily Ever After should depend on you, you can make moments and life happy. You can be absolutely happy without a Prince Charming, but if you do meet someone you fall in love with, he will have to fall in love with who you  are - with exactly whatever you are. (and vice versa). Changing for someone is oh so not worth it. 
• Remember you are capable of doing anything... changing tyres, flying jets, anything you want. 
• Eat healthy and workout regularly (do what you like Zumba, Aerobics, weight training, swimming, yoga, anything but do it regularly). If you will be healthy you will be able to enjoy your chocolates, ice-creams, cupcakes et al even more.
• There would be those days when you will want to be slimmer/fatter, fairer, richer, brighter, taller, or you would also want to become a boy at times, laugh those days off, do not take them seriously. Be happy in what you are. Remember what your favorite Dr. Seuss said “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
• Keep your love for reading alive... read a lot and travel a lot more (seeing how you have enjoyed the vacations we have taken, you love this as well). These things come naturally to you, and you get to learn so much.
• Have a very strong relationship with God, trust me the best moment of my life has been when I say my Namaaz and have a conversation with Him. You will find your way to connect, but do stay connected, it will help keep you at peace with yourself and the world around you.
• Respect and be nice to people who matter and who love you, but do not forget to respect/love yourself. DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU - Yes people do that.
• This is something I have learned the hard way and I want you to know, do not rebel just for the heck of it (actually never do anything for the heck of it). Raise your voice and rebel when you actually and really need to. 
• Never do things because YOU ARE EXPECTED TO DO SO. Mamma hardly cooks - remember. If you like cooking and when you want to do it. Same goes with anything and everything.
• Dress up and take care of yourself. That does not mean you become a Fashion Victim.
• People who do not have a mind of their own follow anything and everything their peers do. You my girl are my Smarty Pants.
• Not all guys out there are foolish (remember your Fizz if that thought crosses your mind)

I know there are lots more things I need to add... will do it

Lots of Love 
Mommy

 And here is something I want you to read, you will love it:

For My Daughter -By Sarah McMane

“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.” – Clementine Paddleford

Never play the princess when
you can be the queen
rule the kingdom, swing a scepter,
wear a crown of gold.
Don’t dance in glass slippers,
crystal carving up your toes --
be a barefoot Amazon instead,
for those shoes will surely shatter on your feet.

Never wear only pink
when you can strut in crimson red,
sweat in heather grey, and
shimmer in sky blue,
claim the golden sun upon your hair.
Colors are for everyone,
boys and girls, men and women --
be a verdant garden, the landscape of Versailles,
not a pale primrose blindly pushed aside.

Chase green dragons and one-eyed zombies,
fierce and fiery toothy monsters,
not merely lazy butterflies,
sweet and slow on summer days.
For you can tame the most brutish beasts
with your wily wits and charm,
and lizard scales feel just as smooth
as gossamer insect wings.

Tramp muddy through the house in
a purple tutu and cowboy boots.
Have a tea party in your overalls.
Build a fort of birch branches,
a zoo of Legos, a rocketship of
Queen Anne chairs and coverlets,
first stop on the moon.

Dream of dinosaurs and baby dolls,
bold brontosaurus and bookish Belle,
not Barbie on the runway or
Disney damsels in distress --
you are much too strong to play
the simpering waif.

Don a baseball cap, dance with Daddy,
paint your toenails, climb a cottonwood.
Learn to speak with both your mind and heart.
For the ground beneath will hold you, dear --
know that you are free.
And never grow a wishbone, daughter,
where your backbone ought to be.

 

I swore I would NEVER

When I was expecting Z, I did a lot of planning and most of the time I thought about what I would like to do and what I would never do to my child. Here is the list:
1. I would never force Z for doing anything... and I have been on track, I never force feed Z, never forced her and started potty training before she was ready and the list goes on. Though, I do stop Z from doing certain things, but I try to stop myself than stop Z from doing something.

2. I would make Z aware about healthy eating: I have struggled with my weight and have won the battle as well... but I always thought if I would have known the importance of a healthy wholesome diet I would not have faced such a problem. So, I try to give Z healthy options... though I don't stop her from eating anything, but I make sure I keep a tab on quantity and stop people from pampering her - which for many people means stuffing a baby's hands with chocolates, chips and all sorts of junk.

3. I would never shout at my baby... I hate saying this, but I do shout at Z, and I hate it. I'm sorry Z.

4. I would never let my baby see television for more than 2 hours: On weekdays I do this successfully, Z loves her books more than anything else. I make sure I take Z out for sometime, if not anywhere else I take her to the terrace.

5. I will never let Z stay awake late in night: Some days she is asleep by 10 p.m and at times she is awake till midnight. I hate it but I just try to make sure she sleeps on time most of the days.

6. I would never take my child to a movie theater: I used to hate seeing kids cry their lungs out in the theater, but that was before I had Z. I have taken Z for a movie couple of times, but generally we avoid it.

7. I would never utter bad words in front of my baby: Well, most of the time I do keep this in mind, but once or twice I do say something inappropriate I feel terrible.

8. I swore I would never make Z totally dependent on me or Fizz: And I proudly say, we are doing this successfully. Fizz and I both feel that Z should grow as an independent girl, who is capable of doing everything she wants on her own.

9. I swore I would never become a SAHM (That's just not me): For a good 1.5 years, I was a SAHM and it was more than I can digest... so now I'm back to work as a WFHM and I'm loving it and Z is liking this arrangement as well.

Before I finish, I would like to thank Canvas of My Thoughts... for introducing this topic and making me realize where I'm lagging behind. I must say, I'm doing a pretty good job.

Maybe I'm a different kind of mom altogether...

Sorry ... Long Post Ahead... Emotional Outburst.

I have heard a lot of people point fingers at me ... How can you leave your baby alone to play and continue working? How can you let her cry out for sometime? How can you not force feed her when she doesn't eat anything? How can you raise your voice on Z (what if she isn't behaving well)? How can you let your husband attend to Z? Well it is rightly said 'Jitne mooh utni baatien'... it isn't the people who don't matter who tell me ... it really hurts when someone who has known me for ages comes up with these things.

You wanna see what kind of a mom I'm? or do I love Z as much as any other mom would? (dare you ask me). I'm not here trying to prove a point or show off how 'motherly' a mother I'm... If you think I'm not affectionate enough to Z that sure is your problem not mine. Ask Z about her mom, you won't understand half of the things she says... but one thing would be crystal clear... Her mom means the world to her.

Happy 22 Big Girl

If you expect me to write new words that have been added to Z-Dictionary you must sure be kidding. Now she's started saying couple of words together like that day when Fizz rang the doorbell in the evening... The moment I opened the door Z said "I See You... Wow". She also knows the names of all the 4 Teletubbies. All I can say she is able to strike a conversation very easily now.

Potty Training has become a dreaded word... Swear! She can say 1000 words but not a single word for Pee-Pee or Poo-Poo. All I can do is WAIT.  I guess this is the only thing Z has really bothered us about.

The rounds of school have been happening for couple of weeks now, I'm keen on a Montessori set-up and they take children at 2.5 years... Now the big grind begins. We've already filled the form at Siksha Montessori, they'll call us for an interview once Z completes 2 years. Indriya is another school where we'll be filling the form - there admission process starts in October for the next year.

Z's tantrums are increasing and I'm already terrified of Terrible Twos. Z's obsession with Fizz (and vice versa).

She's obsessed with feeding people around. Last Sunday we dined at 3 Quarter Chinese, and after she was bored of feeding Mommie (years now that's what she calls me) n Pa... She went to this total stranger on a table besides us and started feeding (hides face). Z made a friend in the restaurant and they kept each other entertained. When the little boy wanted to kiss Z, she shoved him aside... I was taken aback and Fizz totally Proud of her dotty's achievement.

And in the end... I leave you with a glimpse of the Little Girl who ain't so 'little' anymore.

Manners Anyone?

I was about to jot my thoughts down on teaching babies some manners and as I was reading through my reading list I found this amazing post by S. So 'ThankUU' S for your post. 

I have been thinking on when should one start teaching manners to their kids... Now I'm not talking about 'Table manners', 'how to sit like a woman/gentleman' etc. I'm talking about basic 'Thank You', 'Excuse Me', 'Sorry' and 'Please'. 

I have seen many kids lacking these basic manners these days, and I'm talking about kids aged 6-7 years and above.No offense to anyone, but for me these things do count. I guess its the parents who instill these things in kids from a very young age. Small mannerisms and acts do count.

Fizz and I make sure we always say 'Thank You' when we give something to Z or vice versa. When ever it is needed we say Excuse Me, Please and Sorry. Whenever Fizz says sorry to Z, he holds both his ears.... Z is still to say these words but whenever we say Sorry, or Z misbehaves and we say 'Z that's not good, say sorry.' , she makes it a point to hold her ears. 

These small things do matter and our tots are watching us.

Z & Me

Thanks to S for writing a wonderful post, and thanks for making me think. I've always maintained that Z is her Daddy's daughter... Yes she is, but that doesn't mean she's not her 'Mom's Brat'. She is with her mom 24*7 and she loves cuddling her mom and following Ma all the time. She follows me all through the day saying 'MaMaMaMaMaMa', I can't go anywhere without Z... When I do, the moment I enter our house she welcomes me with a WIDE smile.

Z spends most of her time in the evening with Pa... but if Pa is unable to make her sleep or feed her Ma comes to rescue.

The fact that Z is totally like her mum (looks, attitude, behavior everything), so we love spending time together. Fizz ADORES the both us totally, and that's because we are totally like each other.

Anyways, I don't agree with the terms 'Pappa's Girl' or 'Momma's boy'. A child needs both her mum N Dad... and so does Z. So, when Fizz is always there to pamper her like anything... there's me who has to act as the bad cop (when it is required) and discipline Z.

So whose on your Speed Dial List/Favourite BBM contact.

I read an article on a parenting website and that gave me an idea to write a fun but true blog post.

I know mums are Rockstars and all that... We can do everything our baby wants, but a little help doesn't really harm. Having TRUSTED people around/speaking to them acts as a big stress buster for new moms like me. So here is a list of characters every mom needs in the Drama called life.

Hands-On Hubby: I've always bragged about Fizz in many posts, and he deserves every bit of it. He's a pro (Mash'Allah) when it comes to handling Z and me. I can be in my worst of moods, shout, scream, do anything and he just listens (well, most of the time). He's my punching bag, I have to share every damn thing with him. He's just Fab.
Your Mom - I'll have to admit my mom's not very comfortable in handling a baby... She says she's forgotten everything about bringing up babies. I frankly don't need her for that. Just like Z needs me, I need my mommy. No matter how much I argue with her at the end of the day, I'll need her no matter what.
Elder sister/Experienced Mom Friend - no one understood my post-partum depression as Api (my  Elder sis) did. She constantly lends a ear to my constant whining, nagging, aspirations, dreams, gossips everything. She listens to me patiently and  advises me on (especially regarding Z) just when I need it.
A trusted Pediatrician- with kids, you need someone who can advise you on health issues. There are times when you feel worried just about nothing and no one can make you feel better than your baby's Pead.
A bunch of New Mommy Friends- thanks to my 'New Mommies World' group on Facebook, I have loads of super reliable, equally worried mommies... Who are exactly in the same situation as I'm. We discuss things without being biased, give advise when needed and lend a ear when we need to speak out.
An unmarried Friend - Unfortunately all my close friends are married with babies. And one of my Best friend (whose married but not a mommy yet) lives far far away in the U.S. My younger sister could've definitely fit the bill but she's studying in UK.(Dammit). What does this friend do? She talks to you about everything besides baby and marriage, keeps you updated on what's happening around, accompanies you to the salon/spa sessions, goes shopping, plans girls night out...
A punching Bag - Fizz my Biggest and Cuddliest Punching Bag. No one can take that title away from him.
Your Best Buddy - All my most amazing friends aren't in Bangalore, or anywhere close by. So I stay in touch with them on Facebook. (Thanks to technology). The best part is I can tell them any damn thing and they would give me the best advise.
Your Workout Friend- extremely important. I've many friends with whom I can speak about working out. Thanks to Ashi for inspiring me. Babes, you stay so far away but seeing your post A (her baby) pictures just made me  work hard and sweat it out. You rock girl. When I've done something awesome (be it related to workout or diet) Api is one person who is the 1st one to know. And most of the time, I scold her for not working out. I become a fitness expert with Apz. And then there's Thakur with whom I can joke about working out and being extremely lazy to move your *ss. Thanks for inspiring me guys.

I feel so good after jotting these down. What about you? Whose on your Speed Dial List?

Z's Mother's Day & Hubby's Birthday Gifts

I know this is coming in late, since Mother's Day and my Hubby's birthday happened a week ago. I decided it's not only me who will surprise Fizz on his Birthday but I'll give a gift from Z's side as well. Also, Mother's Day was coming up and since Fizz was damn busy, I decided to get something for myself as well (from Z :-)). 

I wanted both the gifts to be similar and I didn't want to spend much on these. I'm a huge fan of personalized Photo Mugs.... They can be made as you want them, will definitely be used a million times before they're broken... and Z's picture on the coffee mug is a BONUS. So here is a look at the mugs Z gave us and we loved them.

Mumsu's Mom's Day Gift

Another View

Pa's Birthday Gift

Another View... Please note focus on 'ATM' is the maximum :-)

Sleepless Nights

Today (Tonight actually), Fizz lost his temper on Z for the first time. Since past 3-4 days she doesn't sleep at night and if she does, she gets up at 2:00am and is up till 5-6 in the morning. It's always been Fizz who make Z go to bed at night and I do that for her day-time naps. Z does not want to change this at any cost.

So, what happened last night was that Z just kept shrieking the moment we put her on her bed and wanted Fizz to pick her up. Fizz did what she wanted at first, then started ignoring her. When Z continued this for an hour Fizz shouted at her... I know how guilty Fizz must have felt after that. He cannot tolerate when I speak to Z in a high pitched voice, he must've cursed himself for doing this.

What Z wanted (which we realized pretty late) was that I should leave the room. So, I have no option left... Even if I have fever, I cant make Z understand it.

Thank God For Baby Girls

Disclaimer : I seriously don't have anything against baby boys... I like baby boys as much as baby girls. 

What I saw this morning on TV was serious stuff. For a little over an hour the idiot box was not acting 'idiot'. I'm talking about Aamir Khan's Satyamev Jayate (this is not a fan talking, but a mother and a daughter expressing her views).

I have been blessed to be brought up in an family where girls are in majority. You are never made to feel that you are any less or any inferior to a boy. I lived for many years thinking that it works like this everywhere. When I grew up, I realized... the I'm not seeing the complete picture... not even a fraction of it. 

What I saw today was an eye opener. I had never realized that female infanticide was a bigger issue in urban India and amongst the so called 'elite-educated' section of the society. I saw women who were forced to abort their babies multiple times, had no option but to leave their house and survive on their own (hats off). I saw people who raised their voice were being suppressed... People involved in this crime were roaming freely. I came to know that this started in the 1970's when Government Hospitals encouraged sex determination to curb the rise in population.

I saw Fizz become all dew eyed and holding Z close to his heart (literally) for that entire 1.5 hours. 

And here were Fizz and I who always wanted a baby girl.

Here is a small request to God: Please don't give baby girls to monsters who do not appreciate her... realize she is as precious as anyone else... or even more. Please don't let them kill these treasures before these angels take their first breath. 

A proud mum to a baby girl. 

What's this comparison all about?

You know what? I hate 2 people comparing at what age their kid reached a particular milestone. I know 'hate' is an expression which people should not use regularly. Hating something/someone is a 'big' deal, but I just can't help hating it when people start comparing. What is totally weird is that I fall into this 'comparison' trap many times.

Z reached all her milestones before time (except walking which she started in her 14th month).  I know babies have time till they reach their 18th month and many completely normal toddlers are slow walkers.  I 'hate' to admit I became a complete wreck when I waited every single day for Z to walk. I remember things became bad when I visited some relatives when Z had just turned 9 months. Per them Z should've started walking by them (I wanted to shout out 'Hellloooo... Its 9 months not 9 years... What the hell'). Their babies were running at 9 months according to them... I sure didn't expect Z to walk that early, but these relatives made me think and go bonkers.

I learned it the hard way. I made myself go through a lot of stress (which I later realized isn't worth it). Worrying, stressing and forcing your baby (which thankfully I didn't) doesn't help. Your baby will do things at 'their' own pace. Like you, your baby/toddler is an individual, let them do things at their own pace.

Now the next thing everyone is stressing over is 'You haven't started potty training YET???'. My suggestion for you all 'concerned' souls is 'I know what's right for Z and what's not, when I need your advise I'd ask. Till then Thanks but, no thank'.

Why does Mumsu says 'No'

O.K, you know what Z, I hate the word more than you do (swear) and more than that I hate using it again and again when it comes to my darling Z. Fizz thinks I'm a monster not a mother, he'll never understand the fact that I do it for your own good. I love the fact that you are becoming a new human being and dong new things each passing day. My eyes are fixed on you my baby, throughout the day. I only let you be when you are with 'Pa'. There are reasons why I use the word, and I just hope you understand this.

Till the time you are good and safe wherever you are I don't mind at all. Be it, under the dining table, next to the inverter or behind the shoe rack. There are times when Mumsu says 'no' when you get or are about to get yourself into trouble. There are more than a few instances, like:

• When you put your hand in the plug (I have put plug guard, but at times I forget to cover it)
• When you try to lick the mosquito repellent bottle or shoes.
• When out of all the pots in the balcony, you have to touch the one with sharp thorns.
• When you have to pick up and start tearing the pages of the book, Mumsu is reading.
• When you touch my mug the moment I pour some hot coffee and try to sit back and relax.

You know what, when you are with Pa, my 'No's' become more frequent. That's because of the fact that he does many things which are not good for you. Like feeding yogurt at around 10ish in the night, even when you have cold.

Z you know I say yes as often as I can, because I don't want you to feel restricted. 'No', on the other hand is equally important for you to realise it's importance. 

So sweetheart, remember, how much your dad feels I'm a devil in disguise (he likes pampering you, that puts a bigger responsibility on my shoulder to discipline you.) Behind all the 'no's' you should 'know', that I love you totally.