Friday, December 14, 2012

Comparisons Comparisons & Some more... Comparisons

Would you compare these?
We spend our entire life comparing, don't we... we might HATE it, but we still do it. It is engraved in us, our entire system and I have been a victim myself. I was the middle sibling and unfortunately for me, both my sisters got better grades than me, which was a big thing (for mom at least - no offense). I was a hit when it came to extra-curricular activities, but that was meant to be secondary? I really don't blame mum, she was proud of my achievements, yet she believed I should focus more on my studies and become an excellent student from an above-average one. AJ loved me (us) a lot to say anything, he was happy when we were happy.

I hated being compared, I did voice my opinion to mum but I guess she did want me to excel in studies as well. Now, when I tell mum, she should have known that I'm different from my sisters as they are from each other. We should celebrate our differences rather than work at becoming clones of each other.

Now that I'm a mom, I do not want to fall in that trap, and I know I won't. You might think it is easy for me as I have just The Toddler and I don't intend to have another baby. So who will I compare her with? Anyone and everyone... her classmates, celebrities, a random kid running around in a mall... anyone. If I want to, I can compare her to any and every one.

Parents do not realize that comparing can fuel sibling/peer rivalries. A simple sentence like, "How can you get such low grades? Your sisters always get amazing grades. Why not you?" Now I know, mum just said that for my betterment, but I felt like I have been slapped right across my face. I love my sisters, but as a kid I did not want to know what they were doing/discussing... because I felt I'm not as good as them.

Why do not we understand that each child is different and has varied interests/capabities/inclination... they like and dislike different things. Like we never compare oranges and apples, it is unfair to compare children as well. When we keep saying 'every child is special and so is mine' why don't we treat them as specials? Why do we want them to be a part of a herd?

Your baby is different and every kid will shine, if they are brought up in the right kind of environment. Make sure you tell your child how unique they are, tell them "You are unique, don't try to be someone else, be yourself and love yourself". If you want them to work hard and give something their 100% tell them so, don't say "When XYZ can do it why can't you".

If we want all children to fit in the same mould, we would not be able to see who they really are... Is that fair?

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