"But I love you Mumsy" (VDay Special)

That's Z's favorite line and it completely melts my heart. Well, it will melt anyone’s heart really…. Let me tell you, I’m a tough nut to crack; I don’t give in easily when it comes to being a mom. Not a tiger mom but definitely a tough mom for sure. 

I try not to make it obvious to Z, but she can totally make her Mumsy do almost anything when she makes one of the innocent face and says "But I love you Mumsy".

It usually happens when I'm angry or she is expected to do something she doesn't want. Like recently in Kanpur when I was super angry with her. She was super clingy on the day we arrived. It was a long journey, car ride till Bangalore Airport, flight till Lucknow (with a halt at Calcutta) and drive of over 2 hours till we reached Kanpur…both of us were tired. She wanted me and I wanted to relax and be with my relatives. It is at moments like these, I want her to give me some space. When she didn't calm down after all my Mommy tactics, I got angry... didn't speak to her for almost 2 hours and she must've said "But I love you Mumsy" at least 30 times (I stopped counting post that). 

The other time when she goes “But I love you Mumsy” is when I tell her to do something she doesn’t want to. If I tell her to eat all the veggies I've added to the fried rice she just makes a sorry face and says.... yeah you got it, "but I love you Mumsy". 

I never really have made her feel she will get whatever she wants from me when she goes "But I love you Mumsy"... In fact I don't even say 'Awwww how adorable”.

It became so irritating at a point in time that all I wanted to do was just snap back at her. Everyone started laughing at her the moment she said “But I love you Mumsy”. I hated that… and I knew she hated that as well. Thank God I didn’t do that… I tried to analyse the situation and her reaction. I spoke to her and realized she says this because she doesn’t want to hurt me. When she wants something that I don’t want, Z says “but, I love you Mumsy” to convince me to make me feel better. She didn’t say all this but I could easily sense that. I hugged Z and told her “I will love you not matter what. Mumsy gets angry, but I will always love you.”

From that day (it’s been over a month), she says “Mumsy I love you” and I say “I love you too.”

Do you talk to your child? I do...

"Mumsy should I tell you about school?" or "Fizzy can we do some talking-talking?" these are sentences that our 4 year old uses on a daily basis, in fact many times during her day. Our days are incomplete without two things, talking and reading of course. Having a conversation with your child no matter they are 2 or 20 is crucial. Z knows she can tell Fizz and me anything and everything. I know, she is pretty young right now, and it is easier. We try to make 'having a heart to heart conversation' normal in our household... between the three of us. 

That is how it usually happens (image courtesy She Knows)

Communicating with younger kids is easy and tough. It is tough to make them express what they really want; once that is sorted things become easier. We strongly believe in the power of communicating with the child... it is one of the crucial aspects of parenting. In our case we believe talking and listening both are crucial. We make sure when she is telling us something, we do not have any interruptions (which means no mobile phones and I-Pads or television).
 

When Z comes and tells us something, we always encourage that. When we talk to each other, we try to keep it extremely normal, not routine... it’s not a chore or task.
 

This post might look like one of those 'gyaan' posts I rarely do. I had to do this, because I learned it the hard way. At a point in time I got so busy that I forgot the importance of talking to Z... just talking (and that doesn't include instructing or asking close ended questions).
 

I had put in a lot of effort and I have seen a marked difference in our relationship. Now I actually look forward to those moments when I can speak to Z or she can pour her heart out. At times (in fact most of the times), what she says is completely random... but I don't mind that really. At least she knows I'm listening which I genuinely do.
 

Do you take out time every day to just be with your child... just talk to them without any reason? If you haven't ... TRY

Brining up a Strong Willed Child

Written for mycity4kids

I was a strong willed child... Still am :-). I see glimpses of me in Z, definitely, not as strong willed as the mother, but she's catching up for sure. Z is better in many ways.

I read somewhere "You are lucky if you have a strong-willed child. If the child is parented sensitively, they grow into terrific teens and young adults. Self-motivated and inner-directed. They go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure. As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will", strong willed kids often become leaders.' 

I had a huge smile after reading this. Then all of a sudden it disappeared.

A little flashback - What happened to me as a child? I was forced to adhere to what the society thinks is right.... Of course I didn't and that was a reason for a childhood where I struggled with myself and the people around. Frankly, it wasn't as dramatic as it sounds. I knew I will do what I want to. I just had to convince people around me... Which was a task but I managed. 

I didn’t want Z to go through all this; hence I started reading about bringing up strong willed kids. I don't want Z to be at loggerheads with what she wants and what people around her want. She is strong willed and sensitive as well. We need to make sure we do the best to maintain her 'strong-will' alive.

Image courtesy pumpkinpatchkidsblog

Before you say, why do you want a difficult and a stubborn child. Well, being strong-willed doesn't necessarily mean she is difficult and stubborn. She isn't. Strong willed kids take their own stand and don't believe in following a leader in a herd...not such a bad thing eh? She's independent and she doesn't want to be guided at every step. If she cries she wants to be left alone, when she's done, she comes and hugs me or Faizan and we talk. If she falls, she hates people giving her a helping hand. She wants to get up on her own. She wants to control herself, which is fair. She is open to hear us out because we never expect her to do as we tell her to.

She does argue, I need to be patient. When she's done with her drama. We speak to her... this doesn't mean we do whatever she wants us to.

Giving Z a power to choose makes her more comfortable and confident. Since we decide what her options are, she stays within the range (I won't say boundaries) we want her to and she doesn't realise she has done what we want her to do. She thinks she is in charge when in reality, she isn't exactly taking total control of her life.

If I tell Z not to touch a candle because I say so... she won't listen. If I tell her its hot and take her finger near the wick, without touching it, she knows why I'm telling her not to and she's OK with that.

She wants to decide what she wants to wear specially. If its cold and she doesn't want to wear her sweater or stockings under her dress. I tell her "its cold and you definitely need to keep yourself warm. Suit yourself.... I'm wearing something warm, I'm feeling cold." Just by doing it we're sorted.

The other day I was chopping some onions and she wanted to chop them too. Well all I did was let her, she cut a piece and after a few seconds her eyes started burning, she left the onions there and then (of course you can't do that every time. If the situation allows, try it). So we let her see what she has got herself into, to a certain extent we let her be her own-self and enjoy herself too.

Fizz and me make sure we talk to her and see what she wants. Right now she's young, but once she's older, we believe, the only way to make her listen to what we say is by letting her keep her point forward. This also works at improving our relationship which is crucial.

We discipline her but we try never let that ruin our relationship. Time outs work best for her. For her its 4 minutes of trying to figure out what's wrong. They always results in an apology and a hug.

When we want something to be done we make sure we don't force her into it. We usually say 'how about doing this'

Its crucial to give her space and respect her for who she is. Z will always be strong-willed and we have developed our parenting style based on that and other aspects of her personality. At the end of the day I'm happy with the fact that Z is strong, determined and extremely independent.

During my research on this topic I came across these two images on a blog called pumpkin patch kids

and I had to share them.

Image courtesy pumpkinpatchkidsblog

Image courtesy pumpkinpatchkidsblog

Z at #ZohaKiShaadi

When we left for Kanpur, I didn't know how would Z react seeing so many people around her. How would she be able to cope up with the cold, especially when most of the functions were outdoors. Her schedule would go for a toss completely, wedding functions obviously meant late night.

Keeping our fears aside ... or shall I say, taking them along we left on our journey. When we reached Kanpur finally, Z was a little apprehensive. She had seen everyone a few times but, did she remember them all? No. She only recognized my elder sister and her cousin brother Z. Well, that was a decent start. At least, she didn't cry like she did in the past. She was just a little uncomfortable, that is it. As days past, Z not only started recognizing people, she enjoyed with them as well. She also loved spending time with them without me or Fizz, this, was a huge achievement.

Talking of the marriage functions, well I did get a little irritated by the time the Walima (reception) was over. So many functions, and getting ready for all of them was not child's play. Z did not mind getting all decked up and she did attend all the functions, she loved staying at the venue till all of us were ready to leave. She enjoyed the food, the attention that she was getting and she learned how to pout for selfies as well.

She got mehndi applied for the first time, and she patiently sat for an hour till the mehndi was dry. I didn't expect that happening for sure. She was also the star dancer, she has snatched my title from right under my nose.

All her Khas (Khaalas/Aunts....well that is what she calls them) loved to pamper her... be it Aanie, Nookha, Bushkha, Peekha, ZoKha, ZeeKha, FuKha, ShuKha (funny names ... yeah?). Z misses all of you. Yes, and she keeps talking about Sartaj Mamoo, Jaan, Ahm and MaazMoo as well. How can I forget all the Ammoos she met there... but she talks about Rayef Baby and Zeffy Bhai the most. All in all she LOVED the attention she was getting. 

The day we were leaving Kanpur, all she said was 'Mumsy, I will go to Delhi in April. Get the tickets.' We sure will Sweety!

So! What do you think Z?

Z is over and done with a stage where she used to rely on her parents for anything and everything. The good thing is she is extremely independent. The bad thing is we think she is growing up and we miss the baby, Z was not long back.

Now whenever we have to take a decision, as a family (at least the smaller ones Z is directly involved with), we try to involve Z. Right now, these are fairly simple things like, what should we have for lunch... what should we do on weekends as a family, what shirt should her dad wear (that is between Z & dad and, I must say, she has an extremely good sense of colours).

It is good because we think, Z feels important, she thinks she is an important member in the house. Another important thing that happened is, Z has now become less stubborn and she is open to listen to what her parents have to say... not only listen, she also agrees to what we say. Z has become extremely attached (not clingy) to the both of us as well.

With her fourth birthday approaching, I have planned something special for November - her birthday month. There is something special for 26 Days of November. There will be a party on Being Zoe's Mum.

How my bond with my daughter has changed over the years!

I know people say you are reborn when your child is born and all that... I'm sorry I do not agree with that. I didn't 'connect' instantly with Z, I took time and so did she. Of course I did do what a mom is 'supposed' to do but for me handling a small baby was more of a responsibility than anything else. You can't blame me really, the youngest baby I handled before Z was my 6 month old nephew. Z has always been closer to her dad, coz Fizzy connected with Z from the word go.

I used to crib and cry and blame myself constantly. I always wanted to be super mom and here I was clueless, tired, worried and I just wanted to run away. 

Thankfully, 3.5 years down the line, I can proudly say, I have developed a bond with Z which I always wanted.

There are moments when she wants just her Mum and no one else. I feel super in one of those moments. She makes me understand that no one but me is what she wants. I might have a 101 issues but she makes me believe I'm perfect and that makes me HAPPIEST.

We laugh together, we read together, we workout together, we sing together... She is my Best Friend and I'm not saying that because she is my daughter but because I'm in my best of zones when I'm Z-oned :-P

When I get dressed she becomes my stylist and tells me if I go wrong (not that I believe everything she says :-P ). We also coordinate the colour of the clothes we wear at times...

We go shopping/for coffee together, and we have a blast together.

Wherever I have reached in my career is because my family has been so understanding and Z plays a BIG ROLE in that.

And this post will be incomplete if I don't mention this - When I came back from the workshop at Z's school, I went back to pick her from school. At home she hugged me and said 'Ma, I love you'... I don't know why but she said because she loved what I did in her school and her friends said I was so nice... (well I take that as a compliment) :-D

These small moments help me stay on track and makes my belief in me as a mom, stronger.

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart!

6 years of friendship
6 years of belief in each other
6 years of standing besides each other
6 years of spreading happiness in each others life
6 years of turning partners from friends and parents from partners
6 years of loving each other more with each passing day
6 years of spending life’s best moments with each other
6 years of hoping the best is yet to come
6 years of working hard and lazing around
6 years of promises that we know we want to keep
6 beautiful years of togetherness
6 amazing years of wishing that we will grow old together

You have been my support, my best critic, my better half. You (sort of) fill the void my AJ left… I can’t say this about you, but I have been BLESSED to have Faizan as my husband… as a best friend for life. I do not know if I have been a good wife, but I know you love me a lot…
Happy Anniversary Sweetheart. Love You!

My Little Ms. Z

Zoe is growing and how… She now holds a complete conversation with us which we mostly understand. Well, 90% of the time we do. She scolds us, corrects us, explains things, tells us stories, laughs at her own jokes and is capable of crying at the drop of a hat. More than anything she does, she doesn’t stop surprising me every single day.

She is not even 3, we still have 2 months to go, but my Ms. Z is a person with a heart & mind of her own. I try to let her be that mostly, and I love seeing her evolve into a new person each day. She is so much like the both of us, she has got my looks, her dad’s determination, she has taken up speaking non-stop from me and her taste in food is just like her daddy. She loves her books like the both of us. Yet, Z is so different… she is a very social person, unlike me or Fizzy, she believes in showing she loves you unlike the both of us. And her famous ‘Nose Twitch’ is not found in Fizz or me. There are so many things that make her ‘Z’.

 

I love the special bond that Z and I have developed and this becomes all the more special as days pass. She might be her dad’s darling, but she is also her momma’s girl. She sees me busy in work, and she comes to me, gives me a kiss on my cheek and says “I love you Momo”. That and many other things she does, melts my heart…. but before I’m able to control my emotions and am able to say anything… she has gone. Doing something else, with equal amount of enthusiasm…

The Toddler turns 2 in Pondi

Last year we had so much fun celebrating The Toddler's 'vacation birthday' in Goa, that we were sure we will do it again and again... till the time she doesn't get old enough for family vacations :-(. 

This year, for The Toddler's 2nd Birthday, our destination was Pondicherry. We reached Pondicherry at 5.30 pm on 25th November, a day before the birthday. We were supposed to reach at 2 but, the husband decided on taking a Road trip and we lost track at Vellore. Then our resort was around 10kms from Pondicherry, we took a long long time to locate the resort. Having said that... I must confess, The Toddler was totally well-behaved, she kept on yapping and her mischief didn't stop... but she didn't misbehave. Fizz drives amazingly, and we had some nice music for company. The journey was long but not bad at all.

We were very tired when we finally checked-in Zest Big Beach Resort Pondicherry. We decided to rest and have dinner at the resort itself. The resort was big and beautiful. It did have lots of place to roam around, a beach, and amazing activities for kids. On the down side, the lunch and dinner buffet was a tad bit expensive (for non-members of Mahindra Holidays) and there was NO room-service. We wouldn't have chosen this hotel, if not for The Toddler. Seeing her enjoy, we were happy with our choice. The Toddler is a water baby and loved the beach. She saw Turkeys, Geese, Chicken, and a lot of birds... and she loved running after them.

Next day was 26th November and The Toddler's birthday. Post breakfast we explored the beach and went for a dip in the pool. We decided to put on our tourist garb and visit Auroville and Pondi Beach. We lunched at Cafe Le Flore. Amazing ... Amazing place, sitting in the sea facing open cafe was an experience. Cafe Le Flore is a cafe attached to a art gallery and a must visit. The food was just about average, but we didn't mind that at all. The Toddler loved exploring the open area.

Next day we visited the museum, a church and lunched at LeCafe again at Pondi Beach. Beautiful small little place besides the beach. I could've sat there for hours. Food was good but the coffee which we had post lunch was super. The rest of the days were spent lazing at the resort, as for Fizz that's what holidays are for.

We left for Bangalore next morning post-breakfast and this time around we reached Bangalore on time... thanks to Fizz n his research.

Z Family

Us

Dancing in her bikini

Exploring Pondi

The Toddler loved Cafe De Flore

The Cafe

Isn't it amazing

People aren't wrong when they say she is my carbon copy

And her Fizzy's Darling Dotty.

 

2 years of Amazing Z-Ness

Z if you're already 2 young lady. I just cannot believe (I really cannot) that you are 2 already... Just relax kid... You can chill and we are in no hurry for you to grow up :-P. You have become such a big girl in the past couple of months Mash'Allah. Most moms choke up on their kids 1st birthday, but to be honest when I look back, I think you were quite a baby back then :). It seems like all of a sudden you have become a girl and aren't a baby any more (All right, lets settle with 'toddler'). I don't actually remember, when and how... but the last 12 months saw you transform from a baby to a girl. It wasn't a day or month... you have grown up each and every moment... and have made life special.

Obviously, I feel time has flown by... but I'll skip these cliches. Do you feel the same way? I mean were we good parents and you didn't realize time flew by. Or was I a terror and you do not want to think about the 2 years gone by... naah... I hope I wasn't so bad.

I keep a journal about your achievements in the last 2 years, but do you remember how your days went by? If you want me to re-write the entire thing... I'm sorry I can't. You can sure check our monthly posts and you can keep reading them.

Z you are all that I always wanted and much more. I clearly remember how you looked when you came in this world (2 years back) and the moment I saw you, tears started rolling down my eyes. I must admit, the relationship I shared with you, has developed, I frankly couldn't relate to you when you were born, as I do today.

This year has been full of surprises, more milestones, a great lot of fun and a whole lot of tantrums. Z you must be thinking I always... always... always keep cribbing about your tantrums, but I love it... coz when I see you I feel at least there is someone who beats me hands down. Actually now I have become kind of used to of the tantrums that you throw. People say these are 'terrible 2s' but I'd like to term them as the 'terrific 2s'. You're growing and if we don't understand what you want, or we can't take charge of a situation being adults... You will throw a tantrum for sure.

You have developed a personality of your own... You are loving, independent, a social butterfly, sharp (my smarty pants), a bookworm, stubborn, you love limelight, you have strong mood swings and that makes you a perfect mix of FizzNFalak. One thing that is clear now is that,  you have become my Little Ms. Independent in the past year.  You don't cling on to us all the time (you do only when you want to). You want to wash hands, lay the table, put on your shoos, brush your teeth and what not.

You are also a busy bee, you keep yourself busy with books, magnets (yes fridge magnets) and your musical instruments. You let Mommie continue her work when you want to... but when you need attention, you just come and shut Mom's laptop... Warning toh de diya karo yaar. I won't say no... You know that.

O.K now a lot of good things... Let's come straight to business. So your Z-ness its time to bid many things adieu... Diapers and thumb sucking for sure... We sure are making progress in both these aspects. Another big step would be starting School, from June Insh'Allah. So, no more loitering around and creating a ruckus at home.

Its your day my sweet-pea and we will do what you like, another vacation birthday... And you're enjoying to the core. Happy Birthday Z, you are the best gift Allah has blessed us with Mash'Allah. Have a Blast my baby. May Allah bless you with everything you deserve and much more, may you have a blessed life ahead. And may we have the patience, love, understanding, maturity to bring you up as a loving, confident, responsible, happy individual. Love you Doll.

A picture post with details on how we celebrated your Pondi birthday will follow.

Eid Pe Bhai Behen Ka Pyaar

I didn't intend to write a separate post for Eid, because our eid is a pretty simple affair... with the family (part of it) being together.

This year it was no different ... but Bhaijaan (Zefan) and Z being together made all the difference. These pictures talk for themself.

Don't they look just Adorable together?

My Puchka... Innocence Personified (Mash'Allah)

Isn't her lehnga super? Courtesy my mommy

My Stud Boy

My Sweethearts

Awwwwwwwwwwww

Here comes Ms. Attitude

A sloppy kissie just for Abbi

Hotness

Whenever I see this picture I fall in love with Mera Baccha again n again n again (Kaalaa Teeka)

Z pestering Bhaijaan

Busy with her toys...

Vacation Time Begins!!!

We're off to a Vacation starting Friday night. Even though it will end on Monday, I'm so looking forward to this break.

Once I'm back there'll be lots of pictures and a vacation post of course.

See you on the other side...

TaaaDaaa

Happy 60th Mom

Mom and Me

Today is mum's 60th birthday... and the sad part is that non of her 3 daughters are with her. My elder sis is holidaying in London with her son, I'm in Bangalore and my kid sister is studying in Europe. The good thing is Ma will be with me next month and we are going to have a lot of fun. :-)

When I went through my posts here and in my previous blog, I realized something and felt really bad. I thanked my senior at work, my husband, my sisters, my brother, my daughter, my dad, my nephew... but I have never expressed something about my mum. I know I can never thank her enough... but at least I can say what I want to... I know Ma will be super embarrassed after reading this, but I know she will love every word of this. These things that I've mentioned here, are things which are exclusive to our relationship. Not all mommy-daughter relationships can boost of all of them.

My mom loves reading and she is the one who worked really hard to develop our vocabulary and language skills (English and Urdu). We were always surrounded with books, Ma was extremely particular about language, pronunciation and correct usage of phrases. Whatever writing skills I have, is not only because of good education (which she was extremely particular about) but also because of my mom.

Love the way you use to dress us up when we were kids, we were always dressed nicely as kids. You not only bought fab clothes, you stitch the most amazing clothes... for every one. 

See I told you ... Ma took so much care to dress us up (that's me:))

Her stitching still goes strong, Z's latest by Ma

My mom trusts her daughters completely (especially me ;-)). Both my parents have loads of confidence in my capabilities (dunno why :)) but this has helped me instill huge amount of confidence in myself. I always strive to do things to the best of my capability because of the both of them. The way she keeps on telling me... you're born to become a writer (I told you she has huge confidence in me.) makes me love myself even more. :-)

Mum treats her daughters like babies, and I don't know about the other two... but I love that. I love the attention she gives... the way she has to like every damn Facebook status I write. The way she always call up and asks "Beta kuchh chahiye toh nahin"....

You would hate to hear this but you still have kept the child in yourself alive. The way you play videogames, and get hooked on to them... the way you throw tantrums, and the way you have to say 'No' when we ask you to go out shopping or any where else for that matter.

Thanks so much for the love of movies you have given me. I mean, thanks to you I have seen all the movies and know all the film gyaan of an era when I didn't even exist. You are the most 'Filmy' mom I've met in my life. The filmy one-liners you use in your conversations are hilarious.

Last but not the least... I love the relationship you share with both your sons-in-law. They are your sons, and you truly treat them like that.

I keep on irritating you, and I'm the one who has bothered you the most... but I love you much much more than that. You have done an awesome job being a mom.

Love You my Jazz Queen

Mwwaaaahhh

World's best parents

Mommie (in yellow) with her sisters/brothers

My beautiful Mom

Mommy with my elder sis...

And with my nephew.